High Stakes

Scene: dinner table

Kid: How do you play poker?

Mom: Why do you ask?  

Kid: XXX was playing poker today at school.

Dad: Really?!?

Kid: Yeah.  He had finished his peace poem, his typed biography and his indian paragraph.  Then he grabbed all the boys that were finished, grabbed his whole wallet of class money, marched over to the carpet and began to bet his class bucks.

Mom: And what was Mrs. C's reaction?

Kid: Yelling.

10th Birthday

The 10th birthday has been celebrated with 2 days of feasting and celebrations.

Mom: Have you had a good birthday?

Kid: Uh-huh.  (micropause).  I can't wait for Christmas!

All laugh heartily.

Kid: Wait, why are we laughing?  How is that funny?

plus ca change...

Scene: interior of car. 

Mom (speaking to Kid's Very Good Friend in the back seat): So, do you like the girls in your class this year?

Kid's Very Good Friend: Oh, yes.  All the girls are very nice.  None of them have been to the office.  ALL the boys have.

The bottom line

Scene: Dining table.  Dinner.  Mom and Dad are explaining to The Kid, age 6 3/4, that both are starting new jobs the next day. 

Mom: So on Monday Mrs. A will pick you up, and on Tuesday Mrs. B will take you to gymnastics, and then I'll pick you up there. And on Wednesday, you'll go to aftercare and then I'll pick you up. 

Dad: And Thursday is Daddy day!  That's my day off and I can pick you up.

Kid:  Yea!  Daddy!

Mom (teasingly): Oh, I know Daddy is your favorite.

Kid (reaching arms out to Dad like a tiny tot and wiggling fingers):  Daddy, Daddy, Daddy.

Mom: And why is he your favorite?

Pause.  The Kid looks carefully from one grown-up to another. 

Kid: Because Daddy does what I want him to. 

From the Archives: Top 10 Reasons Why a Three Year Old Cannot Go To Sleep...

Scene: doorway of young child's room, barricaded with a pressure gate

#10:"I'm not sleepy."
#9: "I need some water by my bed."
#8: "I'm lonely."
#7. "I want to be out there with you."
#6: I need you to put me back in my bed."
#5: "I have to use the potty.  I have to GO!!!"
#4: "I'm scared about something."
       "What?"
       "Umm....something."
#3: "There's a dragon in my room."
#2: "Your computer is distracting me."

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST-

#1:"I can't find my bed."

From the Archives: "If You Ask a Foolish Question..."

Scene: bathroom

Mommy: Celia, why is there lipstick all over the trashcan?

Kid: Because I put it there.

Spooked in October

Scene: Inside car, driving home from Nana and Grandpa's

Kid: Daddy, in Christmas Carol, what's the name of the green ghost you hang around with? 

Actor Dad: The green ghost?

Kid: You know, the one that wears green.

Actor Dad: Oh, that's the Ghost of Christmas Present.  Also known as Seth.

Kid: What's the name of the scary ghost with the big arm?

Actor Dad: That's the Ghost of Christmas Future.

Kid: What should his name be?  It should be something really spooky and scary.

Actor Dad: Mitt.